I was recently divorced, very unhappy with my life, and equally unhappy with my job. Looking back, I don't understand that. I had a GREAT job, with lots of opportunities to get to know fascinating people. I also had, if I'd paid attention, a pretty decent life. I had a cool apartment in a building I could never afford now...it's become upscale, lol. It had hardwood floors, a sun porch, and two GIANT closets, as well as a built in set of shelves and drawers in one room. Had a rather interesting but not really good kitchen... It was in an ancient building, Pretty Boy Floyd had been said to have lived there in his time.
So, hating everything (which was stupid) I decided to change it. I started an affair with someone who was old enough to be my father, and moved out to the suburbs, to one of those cookie-cutter apartments: balcony, one bedroom, large living room, miniscule kitchen. Almost double the rent, but with a 'posh' address. Lost the job, got another one... life went on. Still didn't like it. Then I got in touch with a piece of my history: the pastor who had baptized me the second time. He and his wife, who had been a friend to me, lived in Oklahoma, and suddenly moved, no reason given, to a new church in DeQueen, Arkansas. His wife was desperately ill with MS, having a horrible time. Their two daughters were trying to cope. The 11 year old wasn't having a great time of it at all. Pastor's wife asked me to come south, if I could find a job, and help with the kids. Especially the young one.
Twenty-four years later, here I am... still not caring much for my life. Having looked back on all that (and several bits and pieces I didn't mention, like a 12 year marriage to someone I should never have talked to, even, lol) I have thought it through, and, the factor that remains the same in all these issues is... ME. I need to learn to deal with me, and maybe the rest of it will straighten out.
Sorry this isn't too well written, I'm just, at the moment, dealing with getting it out. Perhaps I'll write more, later, in better form. :)
