Sometimes I wonder

I really do...I wonder what kind of thinking I do, lol...before I make a life decision. Coming here: I was "in love" with someone totally inappropriate. Then, my friend Sharon, who has since died, said she wished I could be closer, as both her daughters adored me. OK, I can get closer. Texarkana is 71 miles south of DeQueen, Arkansas, where they lived. So I moved to Texarkana. And they moved to Raine (sp?) Louisiana...which is a wide spot in the road near Crowley...on I-20 waaaaay down there, almost to the water. And THEN they moved to about as far north in Arkansas as you can get. (Preachers move a lot, especially snaky ones.) And then she died.

I really loved her younger daughter, Rebekah...she was so funny, and such a PERSON, even at 11. Um, oh shit. She's like, 30-what now? Let's not go there. She's older than I was when I moved here. I have lost touch with her over the years; my ex-husband didn't like me keeping touch with my friends from before his time. No, he didn't *say* that. He just made life miserable when I did. I'm a little shy about making contact again with people who knew me years ago: I have changed SO much - not the inside me, but the outside, crippled-in-a-wheelchair-can't-dance-anymore me. I don't look the same, much, either. The inside me is slowly -very slowly - returning to the person I was, but the outside is permanently altered. There are days when I look in the mirror and go 'what the f'. That's not who I remember being there. *sigh*

Having been divorced nearly a year, I still find little things he did...and is doing...to pay me back for letting him go...dumping him... things like - hiding the paperwork for the house where he knew I'd be unlikely to look for quite a while. I don't know WHAT he did with my birth certificate. And just recently, he's found himself an apartment in his home town - and of course, needed electricity...but did he have to put HIS address on the account that has served this house? No, I don't think so. So now I have the hassle of having to call the electric company and get that fixed. Like when he moved out, and put in a change of address - for the entire household. Yeah... that made sense. Can YOU say 'passive aggressive'? As is always the case with him, he gets mad, but 'nice' people don't get mad, so he hides it...and does something mean and sneaky in another direction. It will be fine, eventually. I'll have gotten rid of all the stuff he left behind...including that little bitty sense of resentment that I feel for what he did to me in those 11.5 years...11.5 LONG years.